americano?

caffè americano

So, it had been twice being destroyed, or thrice. My so called new story is ruined, but seems like normal for me already. Its seems worrying though, but idk what to do anymore. And also idk what exactly I need to do with this self. I have no idea. No inspiration, no spirit, just feels like lifeless as a conclusion. 

I feel actually tired in living, truly tired. I also dont know what is the reason I am still getting up and doing what I dont know why I do. People do struggling too I know, and its not only me struggling here, but somehow it feels so distinct in this world. I felt left alone, I felt so worthless. I have truly nothing to do in my life, simply just nothing to reach in my everyday, and I am even tired of trying to consume all those positive words people spit out in youtube or ig or any media social. I felt just nothing anymore. 

My life seems like a bland iced americano with the iced had melted well, all left just is a more blander black water, waiting to be thrown away. 

I felt like wanna spill myself too cause I am tired of sweating and still feeling useless. 

Hows everyones life anyway? I dontknow if somehow I just do not have those gratitude in life anyway, I also afraid of that. Seems like I just not being thankful of what I have...

I though this phase might be better sooner or later, but seems like nothing had change and just still the same. The americano still taste bland and still waiting to be spilled away, and finally thrown away known as trash. 

Life is trash for now. 

O' Lord, this is hard. 

I also don't know why. 

People around me seems tired too with all my emotional writings, since I am not die yet.

This writing seems like a little therapy instead of me just taking this breath away if I could.

and you those who might read this, I am sorry for another emo feelings like this but not dying yet. I also wish I will soon. Do pray for me. 

bye. 

M

Dear M,
I have a very weird feeling this one night.
I talked about you with a roommate.
I cannot sleep that night.
It was on 22nd of September as I can recall.
I was being too lazy that night.
I could not do anything.
I just keep on having this weird feeling.
I don't know this feeling irritate me.
I get annoyed, and frustrated out of sudden.
Yet we talked about you though.
Somehow, it made me feels a little bit better.
The night seems so early.
I got in bed and I kept wondering.
Where are you now?
What are you doing?
Are you finding a job already?
Are you asleep already?
Too bad I could not reach you, and nothing no more.

23rd September, I had class in the morning.
I was trying to just go and attend it.
I came smiling into the class and.
A friend approached and told me, that i might get a good news.
I was expecting its about you, but I don't like overreact.
I calm myself.
I asked my friend to send me the news instead of telling me.
I read.
and laughed.

25th September, I had a very long day.
I had class on 9am.
Class cancelled, and I got to have lunch in Cedo
The ocean looks nice.
Its so blue, and I felt blue too.
Got on my nerve, I laughed a lot there.
Talked with friends on lots of topics.
Literally, non-stop laughing out of everything.
You are in the topic too.
I guess I could just hold breath and smile.
Then, I had lab session for 3 hours.
Exhausted but thank god we finished earlier.
Three experiments were completed.
So, I thought I might need to go home.
Then, N asked if I want to join to library?
Easy peasy, ok I said.

It was almost 19.
We talked a lot in library.
Doing almost nothing.
Yet we did try to do something.
From 16,  we tried staying until 19.
We managed though.
I did go there to find a book.
and somehow.

Dear, maybe that was a sign from the weird feeling i had.
I don't know but no more anymore right.
Supposed to be the same lie.
I AM SURE.

Fictional for me might be a reality for you, and reality for you might be a fictional for me.

--You might found this kind of story a reality buddy, if you experience it. Yet its a fictional for me--

Its been a while

np// punchnello-Balcony
:

It was dark,
The night seems darker,
Its unusual.

At this hour,
I wonder, am I happy?
Well, couldn't find the answer for that,
can anyone actually did it?

np// CIKI-Syndrome

Its almost the end,
I have no more to be a part of it,
No idea if thats a good decision,
No idea what will they think of it,
Wait...
Did I just wonder on what people think?
Ok stop!

np// Rheehab-Peach(ft. Nason, Ripely)

I think I forgot your face,
I think the heart seems forget the feeling too,
Well, well,
Did I just do well?
Well, well,
I don't know baby.

Is it okay to say this?
I don't think its that hard,
to actually get over you, especially
when you are not around.
what a relief dude!

np// Giriboy-졸럽(ft. 죠지)(prod. C#000000)

"see you tomorrow"
How I wish someone might tell me this,
Too good no one ever,
Its not that bad though,
Lonely, alone, that is it.
No more anyone,
No more ...
끝!

BEWARE!
You might get addict to that;

WHAT?
that is alone.

np// Eptend-Neverland

I do woke up,
Once in your arm,
It felt good and I refuse to wake up.
I do woke up,
Now with no one,
It feels empty yet still refuse to wake up.
Let me just stay on this bed,
Let me just be with myself,
Let me just die.
In the morning, there is no more you.

np// 고영광xo!ntment-Ride(ft. Bumby, Lay.bn)

The car looks fancy,
Is it yours, can I ride in it too?
The bike is crazy,
Is it yours, can I be on it too?
 ------------------------------------------------
Nope, nope, nope,
Don's speak it out,
Don't be that.
Stay silent, stay with yourself,
Put it still in heart, and go away.
Leave!

np// Billie Acoustie, Yoon Sanha-Without knowing it all
:

This is not me, I don't like this,
You might think I like it,
but, for real, I am not
So, can we just skip to another one,
Or, should we just endure this,
Hold it and write it
That is all i guess.

LA FIN.