Bismilahirrahmanirrahim
Precisely 2334,
first page of new book, and I don't think there is much things to read on the first page, but somehow it feels kinda thrilling to keep continue reading.
I am in a good state lately, alhamdulillah and I must to say I am happy to get back to be alone again. So for the past a year (probably the toughest one), I did some stuffs in my life which I never expect I did, and I feels weird how the time actually flies so fast. I cannot say 2019 such a horrible year cause afterall Allah You helped me in every single way which I am too late to realise. Allah gave lots of opportunities that I never imagine to be happened in my life. Too bad I forgot to thank Allah for the health I have this year. I am that kind of person which not easily get sick and as much as I can recall, I am actually never had a bad fever this year. I do not have any serious health problem either the periodic or annual one.
I am actually wanna conclude this 2019 as a year of sincerity.
I barely move out of my bed at the end of week of December, and with a lot of struggle kinda, I am actually put my leg on the ground again and have shower and walk out to go to library which I always love, since that is the way how I might able to at least socialise myself, and at the same time isolating myself in the silent library listening to my favourite playlist and studying. Speaking about my sincerity of 2019, I learned a lot that I am actually have been putting that aside for a freaking long time. This sincerity never actually attached in my tiny soul, since I keep ignoring it, and I am not taking care it well. All I did was just putting it aside and keep laving it there outcasted. I found it Allah I found it.
This lack of my sincerity, leads me to also lacks of my gratitude which throw away all my positivity I have built since high school. I am actually honestly having a good feeling for this 2020 but somehow I am afraid and I know there might be bullets coming and stucking on my soul at some points, and I am so freaking afraid I will fall too long and I will keep burying myself in the bed with my imagination and my unrealistic life, I am afraid. The future always actually scares me I don't know why. At this very moment I am wandering my fingers on the black keyboard, it feels like how to say this, nervewrecking? cause I am actually have this fear since the first page is almost done read. I wonder about the next next page but somehow, I am afraid .
Embracing all the fears I will try. I will try my best. I really want to do the best in my life I really wish I can atleast have that enough courage to try and just put on effort in it although it mught be as tiny as a single atom. Dude, who are reading, Happy New Year before its too late. I wish this soul can be more brave, along with a great sincerity in everything. Allah, thank you for another year, and I am ready to flip to the next 364 pages of life You had wrote. Thank You Allah.
:'D
2355
Robin Hood
Malaysia.