 |
| caffè americano |
So, it had been twice being destroyed, or thrice. My so called new story is ruined, but seems like normal for me already. Its seems worrying though, but idk what to do anymore. And also idk what exactly I need to do with this self. I have no idea. No inspiration, no spirit, just feels like lifeless as a conclusion.
I feel actually tired in living, truly tired. I also dont know what is the reason I am still getting up and doing what I dont know why I do. People do struggling too I know, and its not only me struggling here, but somehow it feels so distinct in this world. I felt left alone, I felt so worthless. I have truly nothing to do in my life, simply just nothing to reach in my everyday, and I am even tired of trying to consume all those positive words people spit out in youtube or ig or any media social. I felt just nothing anymore.
My life seems like a bland iced americano with the iced had melted well, all left just is a more blander black water, waiting to be thrown away.
I felt like wanna spill myself too cause I am tired of sweating and still feeling useless.
Hows everyones life anyway? I dontknow if somehow I just do not have those gratitude in life anyway, I also afraid of that. Seems like I just not being thankful of what I have...
I though this phase might be better sooner or later, but seems like nothing had change and just still the same. The americano still taste bland and still waiting to be spilled away, and finally thrown away known as trash.
Life is trash for now.
O' Lord, this is hard.
I also don't know why.
People around me seems tired too with all my emotional writings, since I am not die yet.
This writing seems like a little therapy instead of me just taking this breath away if I could.
and you those who might read this, I am sorry for another emo feelings like this but not dying yet. I also wish I will soon. Do pray for me.
bye.