M

Dear M,
I have a very weird feeling this one night.
I talked about you with a roommate.
I cannot sleep that night.
It was on 22nd of September as I can recall.
I was being too lazy that night.
I could not do anything.
I just keep on having this weird feeling.
I don't know this feeling irritate me.
I get annoyed, and frustrated out of sudden.
Yet we talked about you though.
Somehow, it made me feels a little bit better.
The night seems so early.
I got in bed and I kept wondering.
Where are you now?
What are you doing?
Are you finding a job already?
Are you asleep already?
Too bad I could not reach you, and nothing no more.

23rd September, I had class in the morning.
I was trying to just go and attend it.
I came smiling into the class and.
A friend approached and told me, that i might get a good news.
I was expecting its about you, but I don't like overreact.
I calm myself.
I asked my friend to send me the news instead of telling me.
I read.
and laughed.

25th September, I had a very long day.
I had class on 9am.
Class cancelled, and I got to have lunch in Cedo
The ocean looks nice.
Its so blue, and I felt blue too.
Got on my nerve, I laughed a lot there.
Talked with friends on lots of topics.
Literally, non-stop laughing out of everything.
You are in the topic too.
I guess I could just hold breath and smile.
Then, I had lab session for 3 hours.
Exhausted but thank god we finished earlier.
Three experiments were completed.
So, I thought I might need to go home.
Then, N asked if I want to join to library?
Easy peasy, ok I said.

It was almost 19.
We talked a lot in library.
Doing almost nothing.
Yet we did try to do something.
From 16,  we tried staying until 19.
We managed though.
I did go there to find a book.
and somehow.

Dear, maybe that was a sign from the weird feeling i had.
I don't know but no more anymore right.
Supposed to be the same lie.
I AM SURE.

Fictional for me might be a reality for you, and reality for you might be a fictional for me.

--You might found this kind of story a reality buddy, if you experience it. Yet its a fictional for me--

Its been a while

np// punchnello-Balcony
:

It was dark,
The night seems darker,
Its unusual.

At this hour,
I wonder, am I happy?
Well, couldn't find the answer for that,
can anyone actually did it?

np// CIKI-Syndrome

Its almost the end,
I have no more to be a part of it,
No idea if thats a good decision,
No idea what will they think of it,
Wait...
Did I just wonder on what people think?
Ok stop!

np// Rheehab-Peach(ft. Nason, Ripely)

I think I forgot your face,
I think the heart seems forget the feeling too,
Well, well,
Did I just do well?
Well, well,
I don't know baby.

Is it okay to say this?
I don't think its that hard,
to actually get over you, especially
when you are not around.
what a relief dude!

np// Giriboy-졸럽(ft. 죠지)(prod. C#000000)

"see you tomorrow"
How I wish someone might tell me this,
Too good no one ever,
Its not that bad though,
Lonely, alone, that is it.
No more anyone,
No more ...
끝!

BEWARE!
You might get addict to that;

WHAT?
that is alone.

np// Eptend-Neverland

I do woke up,
Once in your arm,
It felt good and I refuse to wake up.
I do woke up,
Now with no one,
It feels empty yet still refuse to wake up.
Let me just stay on this bed,
Let me just be with myself,
Let me just die.
In the morning, there is no more you.

np// 고영광xo!ntment-Ride(ft. Bumby, Lay.bn)

The car looks fancy,
Is it yours, can I ride in it too?
The bike is crazy,
Is it yours, can I be on it too?
 ------------------------------------------------
Nope, nope, nope,
Don's speak it out,
Don't be that.
Stay silent, stay with yourself,
Put it still in heart, and go away.
Leave!

np// Billie Acoustie, Yoon Sanha-Without knowing it all
:

This is not me, I don't like this,
You might think I like it,
but, for real, I am not
So, can we just skip to another one,
Or, should we just endure this,
Hold it and write it
That is all i guess.

LA FIN.

Fools

I am tiring even without trying

I am exhausting out of nothing

I am drowning in sinning

Allah, what a fool I am.

I always heard someone said, everyone is struggling but it is just not comforting me at all. I am being tired just because of myself and I don't really want to share with anybody, just because.

Lately, I have been into a very deep thinking, that force me to let the tears fall down the cheeks. I have been in a very unhelpful condition as what I can recall. I barely say I am good, or fine or doing great, and I have been learning about how to show the fake smile. Gampang.

Somehow Allah, today is quiet different. I don't really can tell what is the different. I just feel different. Like, I feel reborn and live again. So I am forcing myself into the deep thoughts again about whatever that happened, just so unexpected. I am being a complete fool and empty.

Allah, I feel empty with no reason. It is so easy to tell people that I am good, but me never told that to myself, just because I cannot tell lie even a slight one to myself. Lying to my inner self just makes me feel horrible and my mind will be in a complete mess.

Giving up is an option for me, yet it is hard for me to ask myself to do that. Surviving is hard, and giving up just as hard.

People often talk about depression in this era, which I don't really know if someone really being in depress situation or just acting it up, just because it's kind of being a trend now. While, the experts in this thingy may remind people to not taking this depression lightly, as it may cause death or should I say a suicidal case.

I always wonder, am I being depressed?

and I am tired of wondering, so I just give up on it, and I don't really care about it. Seems worrying? I know right.

I am a total fool, as being an ignorant is just so me. I am growing older, and often ignoring lots of things in my life including my heart as well, my future, my vision, my mission, my positive vibes, and importantly my soul.

I am alive. This fool is still breathing though.

Surely because, I am being 100% fool of just being myself, but I almost forgot this 100% thing that,

The one who made me breathing until this moment I am writing again, is never a fool. Indeed, not a fool.

Human. That is what I am. That is what I am suppose to be, That is what I really need to be. That is what I am exactly. That is what I am trying to be. That is hwat I am struggling to be.

A human.

A fool one.

"What if we ruin it all, we live like fools" -Lauren-